Early Thursday morning — just hours after firing head coach Joe Paterno — Penn State’s board of trustees re-hired the legendary coach, saying they had been convinced to do so after rioting students overturned a TV news van in the streets of College Station in the wake of the termination.
“We thought we had enough reason to fire Coach Paterno after it was proven he knowingly sheltered a sex abuser on his own staff for more than a decade,” said John Surma, the Vice Chairman of Penn State’s board of trustees. “And we knew it wouldn’t be a popular decision, but after seeing the conviction in the eyes of those kids who are so passionate for Joe that they’d tip over a vehicle in the middle of a busy street while fellow students shot video and took photos that were promptly posted to Facebook, thereby tipping off authorities as to their identities we decided to re-hire Coach.”
Students were elated at the news of Paterno’s re-hiring.
“Oh my god this is awesome! Coach Paterno forever!” said 21-year-old PSU student Daniel Wolhston. “And we’ve got the tipped-over news fan to prove it.”