A contrite Philip Rivers issued an apology today to a Midwestern man he’s never met Tuesday.
In a fit of rage, Jack Snellenwarth of Waterloo, Iowa emailed the Chargers star explaining that Rivers had all but single-handedly destroyed Snellenwarth’s fantasy football season.
“I told Phillip I was banking on him as my first rounder. I’ve seen him pillage for fantasy owners in the past. He was a lock,” said a still fuming Snellenwarth.
Adding insult to injury, Snellenwarth also picked DeSean Jackson in the second round—all but eviscerating his fantasy year. Realizing that his team had yet to win a game, Snellenwarth took solace in the fact that he be the first pick in next year’s draft.
“I’m a ‘glass is half-full’ guy,” said Snellenwarth. “I told Rivers that thanks to him, I’d get the first pick next year.”
However, in a stroke of horrible luck, Snellenwarth found himself in a week 8 game against inept opponent, Ted Girchak. Girchak drafted Chris Johnson, then later lost Kenny Britt to injuries, and found himself a bye week victim to a hot Snellenwarth team, bolstered by a late Lance Moore touchdown.
“Rivers just needed to play as bad as he has been, and I’d have lost,” said Snellenwarth. “Instead, he played half-bad and I won. Now, I’m out the first pick!”
Rivers emailed Snellenwarth on Tuesday explaining that he tried to play horribly—fumbling at a critical point to lose the real game. “Jack’s story moved me. But, just like the rest of this season, I couldn’t come through for a single fantasy owner.”
Truly ironic is that Snellenwarth will now have to use a mid-round draft pick to obtain a risky quarterback next year. “Guess whose in that category?” stated a sarcastic Snellenwarth. “Thanks, Phillip….Thanks a lot.”