In the wake of the Broncos’ 18-15 overtime victory against hapless Miami this weekend, the Dolphins have announced Sun Life Stadium will be turned into a holy shrine and no longer used for football.
With fewer than three minutes left in the contest, new starting QB Tim Tebow famously led Denver back from a 15-0 deficit.
“That had to be a miracle I witnessed on Sunday,” said Dolphins owner Steve Ross. “I mean, it was either a miracle, or we really aren’t a professional football team. But since we charge people to attend, I think technically we have to be a ‘professional’ football team. So, I’m going with miracle.”
Tebow, the NFL’s poster boy for faith-based optimism, threw only 13 completions in 27 attempts for a grand total of 161 passing yards. He mounted the comeback despite completing only 48 percent of his passes.
“Come on!” shouted Ross. “How does somebody win with a performance like? That had to be an act of God!”
Since Sun Life Stadium is now a holy shrine, all remaining Dolphins games will be played at American Airlines Arena—home of the Miami Heat.
“We’re going to try to switch to an arena league style approach—hope to fill the seats that way,” said embattled head coach Tony Sporano. “Plus we know Heat fans are still living with extreme disappointment, so we should fit right in.”
In the meantime, Sun Life Stadium is currently being outfitted with appropriate religious décor, and vendors are now selling shirts with catchy phrases like “WWTD?” and “Tim 18:15.”
Ross cited the fact that the Dolphins sold 20,000 additional tickets when the Broncos visited the Dolphins
“It was like 20,000 signs from God … all spending money in the stadium for once,” Ross said. “I never thought we’d fill this hole with actual sports fans. Miracles never cease to exist. Praise Him … Praise Tim!”
