American tennis star Andy Roddick plans to have another early exit from the U.S. Open this year in order to rush home and have sex with his wife, supermodel Brooklyn Decker. Roddick is planning to tank in the second round or possibly pull a hamstring should he make the quarterfinals.
Roddick’s only Grand Slam title came in 2003 when he won the U.S. Open instead of having sex with then-girlfriend singer/actress Mandy Moore, who’s beautiful, but not nearly as hot as Decker. Later that year, Roddick became the youngest American ever to hold the number one ATP ranking largely because Moore’s uninspired movie “A Walk to Remember” was released on DVD and her fourth terrible album was released.
“I just wanted to be the world’s best. I’d practice and practice until way past Double Em’s bedtime,” Roddick said, quickly adding. “She was a great girl. Terrible in that film but a great girl. Can’t sing for [expletive deleted] but a great gal. Great gal, but with her hideous singing and acting career and my dedication to tennis, we just never saw much of each other.”
Roddick later lost the No. 1 ranking to Roger Federer whose then-girlfriend was not nearly as attractive as Mandy Moore, which enabled Federer to spend more time practicing than Roddick. Federer remained in the same relationship and continued his dominance in the sport. Meanwhile, Roddick’s skills held steady until the moment he opened 2007 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue when he first saw a spread of a half-naked Decker, whom he began courting shortly thereafter.
Since then, Roddick hasn’t gotten past the third round of any tournament except in the 2009, when he reached the Wimbledon finals because Decker was unavailable for their usual wild trapeze sex due to her film debut in Adam Sandler’s “Just Go With It.” That film got mediocre reviews, but Roddick has decided to give Decker a pass since she’s so unbelievably hot.