Brewers manager Ron Roenicke announced today that newly acquired Francisco Rodriguez will be setting up John Axford for the remainder of the season. He was cryptic in his reasoning, but it is believed he made the decision with overweight Brewer fans in mind.

“K-Rod is what we like to call a ‘high wire act,’” the first year skipper said. “I’m not sure our fanbase can take that night in and night out.”

Milwaukee is one of the nation’s unhealthiest cities. Roenicke’s choice to leave Axford in his familiar closer role is likely an effort to save the lives of some of the Brewer’s fattest faithful.

“We don’t want our die-hards dying of hard arteries,” said Roenicke.

Rodriguez, or “K-Rod,” as he’s better known, may hold the all-time single-season saves record, but he has a strong tendency to put runners on base. With Frankie, every save opportunity turns into the last act of an edge of your seat thriller.

“He’s impossible to watch,” said one Mets fan. “Every friggin’ game, base hit here, walk over here, double over there! It’s like he has to load the bases for the stinkin’ game to end.”

The Brewers hope that the Rodriguez-Axford combo will propel them to a playoff spot, but as one Met player remarked, “Let’s just say the Cardinals were probably thrilled when they heard about the trade.”