After Roger Clemens’ perjury trial was ruled a mistrial in a shocking turn of events, dealing a crushing blow to the prosecution and casting doubts about the ability of the state to retry the case, the seven-time Cy Young Award winner celebrated by pouring himself a cool, relaxing beverage containing HGH and a slew of illicit steroids.
“Now that I get a break from all this legal stress, nothing satisfies my thirst better than a good old-fashioned glass of HGH, just like Brian McNamee used to make,” the retired pitcher told reporters as he took a long, deep sip from his steroid cocktail. “Yup, nothing does a body good quite like a whole mess of steroids.”
When Federal Prosecuters questioned Clemens about the HGH, he responded by saying, “I have never knowingly taken steroids, and any information you may have heard to the contrary is inadmissible in the court of law.”
He then winked and finished his drink.
By Jeff GoodSmith