After the recent legalization of gay marriage, New York City held a jubilant gay pride march, but not all the marchers were completely satisfied with the new law. A Yankees fan club known as “The Swanky Yankees” launched a protest during the march when it was revealed that a Yankees fan had married a Red Sox fan on the day of the law’s enactment.
“Look, I think everybody should have the same rights,” said Swanky Yankees president, Jacob Sullivan. “I want the right to marry my boyfriend as much as the next guy, but some things just go against nature. I cannot condone the marriage of a Yankees fan to a Red Sox fan, even if they are gay.”
“He’s being too kind,” added Sullivan’s boyfriend Derrick Truckee. “It’s not just ‘against nature,’ it’s straight-out disgusting. Next thing you know New Yorkers are going to be prancing around in Red Sox jerseys singing ‘Love that Dirty Water’ and shouting ‘Yooouuuuk!’ This is a pride march, not a sellout march. I won’t stand for it.”
“We’re tolerant people, but we all have to agree on limits,” added Sullivan. “Derrick and I can get married because we are two men who love each other. That’s great, the way it should be, but it’s important to note that we also meet on common moral grounds. First and foremost, we agree that Yankees rule and Red Sox suck.”
“We’ve formally submitted our protest to the governor’s office,” Truckee continued. “The Swanky Yankees are confident that this aberration in the law can be fixed by way of executive order. The new law should simply state that gay marriage is legal, except in the case of a Yankees fan marrying a Red Sox fan. It’s only common sense.”
When a fellow marcher called out for Truckee and Sullivan to “relax and celebrate the love,” the Swanky Yankees were incensed.
“We’re celebrating love, alright!” Sullivan shouted. “We’re celebrating real love!”
“Yankees love!” Truckee concluded. As Sullivan and Truckee marched arm-in-arm into the distance, it was clear that love was in the air, if not love for the Boston Red Sox.