The NFL has once again proven why it sets the gold standard for merchandising among the four major American sports leagues.

“We call it Lockout Gear,” said commissioner Roger Goodell as he unveiled hats, jerseys and foam fingers emblazoned with “Lockout ‘11” on them. “The apparel will be available in all team colors, so fans across the country can forever commemorate this unique moment in NFL history.”

According to Goodell, the owners will receive 100% of the profits from the merchandise, but because of a loophole in the digital contract the player’s union signed with back in 2008, the league has the exclusive rights to Photoshop the gear onto any player they want.

“Man, that is so wrong,” complained Chad Ochocinco, after seeing an altered photo of himself wearing the ’11 Lockout jersey. “But if I did wear that, they’d definitely have to call me Uno-Uno.”

By George Ellis. Photoshop by Kurt Evans

Heckler George