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4/20 – Matt Thornton sad to learn rescuing a kitty from a tree does not count as an official Major League save.

4/22 – Sox/Tigers game postponed as check swing appeal goes all the way to the Supreme Court. Mercy!!!

4/23 – Darwin Barney’s theory on survival of the fittest rejected by scientists as it was written on a line-up card and ignored natural selection.

4/24 – Blake Griffin, bored after Clippers’ season ended without a playoff appearance, dunks the moon through a black hole.

By Patrick Olson

Heckler George