The Heckler predicts what will happen in the world of sports this month.
3/12 – Dusty Baker confesses it was he who had those mystery bowel movements in the dugout, having forgotten to wear his adult diapers. “Every game was a party in my pants!” added the former Cubs skipper.
3/20 – Greg Oden plays in first old-timers game.
3/22 – Baltimore Orioles tell Cubs they won’t take Kosuke Fukudome off their hands, citing previous acquisitions of crappy Cub outfielders Sammy Sosa and Corey Patterson.
3/23 – Orioles acquire Kosuke Fukudome from Cubs for Cal Ripken’s expiring contract.
3/15 – United Center crowd gets so drunk for game vs. Memphis they can’t even chant “MVP” for Rose (instead they chant “BLT”).
3/18 – Carlos Silva guarantees he’ll eat 250 innings if he’s allowed to put nacho cheese on them.
3/20 – Ex-Packer tight end Mark Chmura announces he’ll be starring in “Hot Tub Time Machine 2.”
3/25 – Roger Goodell, impressed with NASCAR safety, announces NFL players will play games in stock cars instead of uniforms.
By Patrick Olson