As part of the Cubs’ constant effort to improve the fan experience, the team announced today it’s replacing the legendary troughs in Wrigley Field’s men’s rooms with shrubs.
“Our research shows that male fans don’t think twice about urinating in neighborhood bushes, but they will forcefully ‘hold it in’ until the end of the inning before heading to our bathrooms,” Cubs president Crane Kenney said. “We wanted to help them out of that bind.”
Kenney added that male Cubs fans will be able to avoid the double whammy of “holding it in” and watching the Cubs fail to get a runner in from third with less than two outs.
“I’m tired of holding it and sitting there waiting for the Cubs to do something exciting, but the thought of a Wrigley trough never inspired me to get up and go,” said Eric Meysen of Schaumburg. Meysen added that when Cub pitcher Todd Wellemeyer comes into a game with the tying run on second base, he will head for the bushes.
“Damn straight I will,” Meysen said. “I’ll drink to that.”
By HecklerRob. Photoshop by Pat Lamorte