After taking a few days to evaluate the backlash of their extremely expensive Super Bowl TV ads, executives at online deals site Groupon announced they will run TV ads during next year’s big game, but with a tweaked format.
“Rather than have washed-up celebrities promote our brand by mocking very serious environmental and social catastrophes, we’re just going to have them light piles of cash on fire next year,” said Groupon CEO Andrew Mason, whose company spent a reported $15 million on its Super Bowl ads. “That way we’ll just cut out our lame attempt at humor and instead show what we’re really doing, which is essentially burning lots and lots of money.”
This year’s campaign featured Timothy Hutton mocking the oppression of Tibet, Elizabeth Hurley comparing Brazilian deforestation to bikini waxes and Cuba Gooding, Jr., saying it’s more fun to go whale-watching than whale-saving. As for next year, Mason says he’s got an entire slate of money-wasting ideas.
“We’re thinking about putting Richard Simmons in super-short shorts and having him take a blowtorch to a pile of $5 million in cash,” said Mason, whose company is reportedly valuated at $15 billion. “We might work in a joke about Simmons being flamingly gay right as he lights the blowtorch, but that might just be too hilariously awesome for even us to pull off.”