When the second half of the NFC championship game began and Jay Cutler was riding a stationary bike rather than driving the Bears’ offense down the field, it opened him up to a maelstrom of criticism from football-crazed Chicago.
“I was already planning on taking today off to get over my hangover, so I commented all night long on blogs that Cutler is way too weak for this town,” said fan Bud Chwalski, moments after faking a coughing fit during a phone call with his boss. “When you’re a team player, you play hurt. You don’t quit. I don’t care who you are.”
Most of the conversation around the blogosphere questioned the dedication and leadership ability of a man who is forced to stop playing due to a possible torn MCL. Thousands of writers and analysts who had happened to take the day off agreed that rational decision-making skills and the ability to contain emotion during times of great stress were almost assuredly the qualities of a “loser,” and that zero-percent mobility out of the pocket is only important to “jerks.”
Ironically, many Chicago fans used legendary former Green Bay quarterback Brett Favre as a prime example of grittiness.
“Didn’t Favre play once on a broken leg?” asked Chwalski. “The fact that Cutler didn’t throw Lovie down and fight to get back on the field makes him a giant wuss. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to bed to sleep this one off.”