Joakim Noah, who’s been out for about a month recovering from thumb ligament surgery, is trying to make the best of a bad situation. To occupy his downtime, the Bulls starting center recently purchased a cast that doubles as a bong.

“I was feeling a little blue about being out for so many weeks, so I went to my local head shop to buy a wicked new bowl with pictures of the Grateful Dead bears blown into the glass,” Noah said. “But when I got there, I noticed something behind the counter — something wonderful. You know how they have pipes that look like cigarettes and soda cans? Well, this time they had a bong cast, with a carb right next to where my busted thumb would be! How perfect is that?

“After falling to my knees and thanking Jah, I bought it.”

Not content to simply purchase a regular, over-the-counter bong cast, Noah has since gotten the device customized. The additional work includes an image that, when you hold it under a blacklight, displays Led Zeppelin’s Zoso symbol, and a built-in audio player that cues up Bob Marley’s “African Herbsman” album at the press of a button.

Unfortunately for Bulls fans, the device is not nearly as effective at healing Noah’s injured thumb as a real cast would be, but that doesn’t seem to bother him too much.

“Although I was depressed about this situation at first, I think I’m going to try to ride this injury as long as I can,” said Noah, who then giggled hysterically and added, “A [expletive deleted] cast bong! Can you [expletive deleted] believe it? It’s like playing basketball on the moon, man, except I’m totally high and not on the moon or playing basketball. It’s awesome man.”

By Brian Summerfield

Brian Summerfield