Alfonso Soriano had only one request in preparation for this year’s Cubs Convention — absolutely no mention of sliders. So it was only natural that panic and confusion set in when the slugger arrived at the Hilton Chicago to see the word “sliders” listed on the menu.

“Everyone knows that sliders are not kind to the Fonz,” Soriano commented. “They are trouble in the regular season and give me nightmares every post-season. They are very, very bad.”

The catering manager at the Hilton was quick to clarify that the sliders in this case were not the elusive pitches Soriano has struggled to connect with over the course of his career; but were instead greasy little hamburgers. Soriano was relieved.

“Ahh, those hamburgesas pequenas look very tasty and are not intimidating,” the veteran outfielder admitted. “But they are still very hard to eat. Every time I take a bite, they miss my mouth and fall on the floor. Now I see why they call them sliders.”

By Brian Berns

Heckler Brian