Many fans are railing on the Cubs for spending $10 million on a one-year contract for .196-hitting Carlos Pena, but the acquisition raises the team batting average five points from last season.

“I call that a step in the right direction,” said GM Jim Hendry. “Next up I’m going to sign a reliever whose five-plus ERA will drop our bullpen’s ERA down to the low sevens. At the rate I’m going, fourth place in NL Central next year’s will be ours for sure. Look out Astros!”

Idea submitted on The Heckler’s Facebook page by Kathy A.