Tyler Colvin’s impressive rookie campaign for a terrible team was chugging along nicely until a rare mid-game impalement left him with a punctured chest in what can be best described as yet another “Cubbie Occurrence.”

“I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve accepted that the Cubs are cursed,” said a dazed Colvin from his hospital bed. “But this is just too much. I mean, how often do guys playing baseball get impaled?”

Colvin said he, Starlin Castro and several other promising youngsters are planning to band together and demand trades to clubs with better karma than the Cubs, which Colvin described as “pretty much every team in the majors, minors and Mexican winter leagues.”