With their season once again in the proverbial toilet, Cubs brass has decided to take advantage of the team’s losing ways by signing a lucrative sponsorship deal with Kohler Plumbing, while unveiling an ingenious advertising campaign, “Flush This Season Out Of Your Mind.”

The ads, which will run locally on Comcast and WGN, feature current players Aramis Ramirez and Derrek Lee reading the newspaper while sitting on a cushiony Kohler toilet.

This is much more comfortable than the dugout bench,” Ramirez says in the TV spots. “With all the games I miss every year from minor injuries, I should know best. Trust me.”

To support their marketing efforts, the Cubs have erected an oversized, 12-foot high toilet adjacent to the Kraft noodle in front of Wrigley Field.

This is something Thomas Crapper would be extremely proud of,” said Cubs Chairman Crane Kenney of the fabled toilet inventory. “I know our own Tom Crapper … I mean Ricketts, loves the big toilet concept. It’s going to bring him millions.

“Lord knows that’s more than this year’s team is bringing him.”

From the soon-to-be released August 2010 issue by Jeremy Barewin. Click here to subscribe today!