Bulls’ fans worst fears may be realized this week as it appears the team will come up empty in their pursuit of any big name free agents. Lacking a “closer” within the organization to reel in the big fish, many are starting to point the finger at GM Gar Forman as the main reason why free agents are turning their backs to Chicago.

“He seemed like a nice dude, but I just couldn’t stop staring at that really huge forehead,” said Chris Bosh, who spurned the Bulls to reportedly sign with the Miami Heat. “I could park my Escalade and three other cars up there.”

Having a goofy looking GM is nothing new for the Bulls as Jerry “Crumbs” Krause ruled the roost for more than a decade, having little success beyond the Jordan Dynasty, signing busts like Ron Mercer and Eddie Robinson. While Forman is early in his tenure, he has shied away from some of the recruiting tactics used by Krause, much to the chagrin of one powerful almighty free agent.

“I was expecting Benny the Bull,” said LeBron James. “Instead, some dude in a suit who looks like Sloth from the Goonies is there to meet me. That sealed the deal for me. I might go to Cleveland or Miami, but I sure as hell ain’t going to Chicago.”

By Jeremy Barewin