With his batting average continuing to languish at a pathetic .173, Aramis Ramirez—who earlier in the season anointed himself his own hitting coach–finally fired himself before Tuesday night’s game against Pittsburgh. Like Ramirez running out a ground ball, it took several days for him to finally get up the courage to inform himself of the news.

“Estas despedido!” a despondent Ramirez was heard repeatedly screaming at himself in Spanish, while glaring into a mirror in the Cubs’ clubhouse. “Estas despedido!”

The fired Ramirez was consoled by Rudy Jaramillo, who serves as the rest of the team’s hitting coach, who offered up his batting genius to help the struggling slugger, only to be rebuffed quickly.

“I was just trying to give him a few basic tips that should help him get out of his slump,” said Jaramillo. “But he said he was going to go it alone rather than hire a hitting coach to replace himself.”

From the June 2010 issue by Jeremy Barewin. Click here to subscribe today!