The NBA free agent signing period is nearing and Chicagoans are deep in LeBron James fever. While this fever is not an official clinical ailment or disease, people citywide have acted in especially ridiculous ways since the rumor mill aligned Chicago and James together.

While conspiracy theories have been thrown around rampantly, one Chicago sports blogger has stepped outside conventional crackpot theorizing and has guaranteed that James will be a Bull next season based on one theory.

“LeBron was seen eating a (hot) dog with mustard and no ketchup,” said the rarely read blogger. “Take this into account along with him house shopping in Highland Park, changing his number from 23, and being seen holding hands with Mayor Daley, and there’s no way he’s staying in Cleveland.”

The blogger/conspiracy theorist then went to the streets to display many pie charts, graphs, scraps of James’ trash, and dozens of pictures of James photoshopped in a Bulls jersey. No passersby stopped to give him any attention, but a few people gave him some loose change.

From the June 2010 issue by Marvin Venis Benjamin. Graphic by Marley Bellwood. Click here to subscribe today!