Al Shapiro’s girlfriend Suzy Snell will not be invited to future Cubs games after incessantly talking about Cubs 1B Derrek Lee’s butt at a game earlier this month.

“She’s great and all, but I can’t handle Suzy prattling on about it,” said Shapiro. “Inning after inning, she was going on and on about how perfect another man’s ass is. I was almost sick.”

Snell first noticed Lee’s “mind-blowing” posterior years ago but is now full-on obsessed.

“Oh my god, it’s just, like, amazing,” said Snell. “I wish Al would have brought binoculars so I could have had a better view of that juicy rear from his nosebleed seats.”

From The Heckler’sĀ April 2010 issue. Click here to subscribe today!