Just as another spring was opening with the usual glimmer of hope, another “Cubbie occurrence” happened in Mesa.

Catcher Geovany Soto has regained all the weight he amazingly shed during the offseason. Just one month ago, a drastically slimmed-down Soto amazed attendees at the Cubs Convention. Now the weight is back.

“I was on the Subway diet and it worked great,” said Soto, laboring for breath. “But I got bored with that and tried the Taco Bell diet. When that set me back a bit I made up my own called the KFC Bowl Diet. That one landed me in the emergency room.”

Naturally, Cubs manager Lou Piniella couldn’t believe his eyes.

“He looked like the Incredible Hulk, bursting out of his uniform,” said Piniella. “Only it was all belly and no biceps.”

Soto was at a loss for words.

“Out of desperation I decided to go vegetarian,” said Soto. “So I called Prince Fielder for advice. But most of the recipes he gave me involved Cheetos.”

It is rumored that Soto will be on the Fed Through A Straw Diet for the duration of spring training.

By Dan Bradley