Former Cubs starting pitcher and Lou Piniella whipping boy Jason Marquis today official signaled the end of his career by signing a two-year contract with the Washington Nationals.

“From Adam Dunn to Dmitri Young to Robert Fick, this franchise has established itself as a place where the careers of once-promising players go to die,” said MLB analyst Peter Gammons. “Now the doormats of the NL finally have a soon-to-retire pitcher to anchor their young, underperforming rotation.”

Marquis started strong for the Rockies last year, going 10-5 through June, but faltered down the stretch and finished the season 15-13. He said he’ll enjoy wrapping up his career in the relative obscurity Washington offers.

“It’ll be nice to get paid big league money to give up tape-measure homers in front of minor league crowds,” said Marquis. “I would hate to be embarrassed in front of a large group of fans every time I take the hill. Luckily the Nationals don’t have many fans, so this should work out great.”

By Brad Zibung, editor in chief