As the mediocre Twins and Tigers duke it out for a divisional championship, MLB commissioner Bud Selig announced at a recent press conference that none of the three contenders in the AL Central will make it into the playoffs.

Instead, Selig simply declared that the top three teams from the AL East, the Yankees, the Red Sox and the Rays, were in. The winner of the AL West will round out the foursome in the American League.

“Anyone who actually wants to see a team from the AL Central get swept out of the first round of the playoffs, please raise your hands,” Selig said to the assembly of baseball reporters that remained silent. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. None of these teams deserve it.”

From the September 2009 issue by Brian Summerfield