Following only a few impressive games, the Bears took an unusual measure toward preserving the arm of their new franchise quarterback. A team official confirmed Jay Cutler’s right arm had been plated in copper after the team’s win over the Lions last Sunday.

The attractive bronze finish now makes “Cutler’s Cannon” even easier for the team to boast about, while also protecting their investment.

“Bears fans have never experienced an arm like this,” said Bears GM Jerry Angelo. “The bronzing process seemed to make sense, especially after the Sid Luckman cryogenic disaster. But we try not to talk about that.”

Cutler has reportedly embraced the new hardware and already uses it as a conversation piece at all of his favorite downtown clubs.

However, his teammates’ conversation has focused on his enduring effectiveness.

“We thought the bronze would weigh him down and expected to see Orton-like lollipops down the field,” said Bears veteran wideout Rashied Davis. “Unfortunately, most of us still can’t hang on, or catch up to, his passes.”

From the September 2009 issue by Brian Berns