Tru-Link Fences, a company which long used Cubs sluggers as celebrity spokesmen, signed Cubs rookie Sam Fuld to an endorsement contract due to his stellar defensive play, including taking a face plant into a chain link fence Saturday at Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles to rob Brad Ausmus of extra bases.
“In years past, we relied on Cubs like Billy Williams, Ernie Banks and Andre Dawson to promote our top-rate chain link fences, because of how often they hit balls over them. But lately, Cubs sluggers have been mostly hitting balls to the warning track, and there’s no fences there,” said a Tru-Link spokesman. Who suggested that perhaps Home Depot or some other company that sells dirt could offer Alfonso Soriano, Milton Bradley, or Kosuke Fukudome commercial spots about “warning track power.”
After taking two home runs in as many days away from the Dodgers, Fuld’s diving, stumbling catch in the third inning Saturday made fellow outfielder Reed Johnson jealous.
“I shoulda gone face-first into the fence in Toronto last year,” Johnson said, watching from the palatial Cubs Disabled List Lounge. “Then maybe Tru-Link woulda called me up.”
Fuld’s catch in LA might have left injured his face, but it will solidify his role with Tru-Link for years to come.
“Fuld might have permanent chain-link scars on his cheeks, which means we should make him the face of our franchise for years to come,” the Tru-Link spokesman said. “And we we have branches in Iowa, just like the Cubs. When he gets sent back down so unproductive overpaid veterans can call it in, he can still do personal appearances at Little League and Triple-A parks. It’s a win-win situation for both the player and company.”
By Bill Savage, Heckler reader and baseball expert