Blames late-night munchies for noticeable off-season weight gain

ESPN has reported that portly Cubs catcher Geovany Soto tested positive for marijuana at the World Baseball Classic according to the International Baseball Federation. When pressed about the issue on Thursday following the report of the positive test, Soto came clean.

“I admit it, I was probably stoned 99 percent of the time,” said Soto, who played in the WBC for his native Puerto Rico. “What can I say? The WBC games were such a waste, nobody cared who won, and Pudge [Ivan Rodriguez] brought over some really great stuff.”

While Soto initially blamed inactivity during the WBC as the reason for him reporting to Spring Training looking like Hector Villaneuva, he did admit that heavy late-night food binges may have also contributed.

“Cheetos, Fritos, triple-layer bean dip, bacon fried pork rinds, pepperoni sticks,” said Soto. “You name it, I ate it.”

The excessive weight gain and use of performance-dehancing drugs [PDDs) may be to blame for Soto’s awful start in ’09, where he is batting .228 with only six home runs. Despite his poor play so far for the Cubs this season, the reigning Rookie of the Year would not take back one minute of his WBC experience.

“It was like a frat party every night,” said Soto. “That swimming guy, what’s his name? Michael Phelps. He stopped by one night with his huge bong. It was awesome. I even took a picture of him with my camera phone.”

By Jeremy Barewin