After the Cubs¬†required five pitching changes — including three in the ninth inning — during Saturday’s 5-4¬†victory over Houston, a moving walkway will be installed from the dugout to the mound in an effort to speed up games.

Manager Lou Piniella likes to take his time, especially during one of his patented, leisurely strolls to the mound when making a pitching change. Fortunately for the aging manager, his sluggish walks are taking so much time, Major League Baseball is forcing the the installation after complaints that Piniella pitching changes can take as long as 15 minutes each.

Commissioner Bud Selig insists that this change has as much to do with Piniella’s health as it does his pace.

“I was watching the Cubs game Saturday and thought Lou was carrying twins,” said Selig. “I think the moving walkway will speed up games and assist one of baseball’s most sluggish managers.”

From the May 2009 issue by Michael Kloempken