The tenure of Paul Konerko appears to have ended after the White Sox first baseman was replaced in a spring training game by an Arizona cactus.

Manager Ozzie Guillen said the cactus has far better speed on the bases than Konerko, and at seven-feet tall can get to errant AJ Pierzynski pick-off attempts that Konerko can barely dream of. Teammates say the cactus is far more personable in the locker room than Konerko, but is tough to pat on the rump after a great play.

GM Kenny Wiliams said he worries about the cactus withstanding the harsh weather of Chicago Aprils, but is willing to give it a shot due to its .235 average, which is nearly 30 points higher than Konerko’s the last three seasons.

Meanwhile, Williams refused to deny rumors the Sox are considering signing a tumbleweed to replace Jim Thome.


heckler editorial staff