Shortly after announcing the Bears were not increasing ticket prices in 2009, President/CEO Ted Phillips and GM Jerry Angelo hopped on a private jet to the Bahamas. While off-season vacationing is far from unusual, these front office honchos oddly skipped town at the peak of the free agent signing period.

“We had to make a decision,” said Phillips. “Raise ticket prices and stick around to improve the team or save the fans some money and spend the month working on our tans. The choice was obvious.”

Before departing, Angelo signed a third-string quarterback and an unknown offensive lineman. But in lieu of signing a talented wide receiver or defensive back, Angelo felt his time would be better spent working on his golf game.

“Free agents are expensive and overrated,” said Angelo in between practice swings with his gold driver, stogie and argyle pants. “Let the other teams waste their time and money on free agency while we kick back and prepare to waste our time and money on the draft.”

From the March 2009 issue Brian Berns

Heckler Brian