Major League Baseball’s Veterans Committee proved inept and worthless once again Tuesday, failing to elect a single member to the Hall of Fame for the third straight time. Denied once more was Cubs legend Ron Santo, who came up five agonizing votes shy of Cooperstown enshrinement. Santo will have to wait until 2009 to have his heart ripped out and stomped on again by the committee.

The committee is comprised of Hall members, veteran broadcasters and writers and has 84 eligible voters. However, 48 are currently in a vegetative state in nursing homes around the country, 33 are just plain “old, bitter and crotchety” and the other three are actually deceased, but their families have failed to report the deaths for fear of losing out on pension payments.

Commissioner Bud Selig was defiant when asked whether he will consider modifying the current Veterans voting system, which last elected someone to the Hall in 2001.

“Why fix something that isn’t broken?” Selig asked. “If you think the purpose of a Hall of Fame election committee is to elect players to the Hall of Fame, you’re sorely mistaken.”

Santo was unavailable for immediate comment, but his son Jeff said his father was “not a happy camper” and “wants Selig’s head on a platter,” but he would be spending the next week recuperating in his Phoenix-area home by watching “This Old Cub” on a continual loop with family and friends.

By Jeremy Barewin