Couldn’t keep up with the ticker during the clip? Here it is.

MLB
Cubs closer Ryan Dempster blows save in game of pepper
Cubs raise ticket prices $2 each. Seriously.
WGN Radio to replace Andy Masur with talking monkey
Cubs fan looks forward to showing off girlfriend’s new implants in bleachers this year
Ozzie Guillen’s new tattoo: ‘Expletive Deleted’
White Sox starter Jon Garland begs GM Kenny Williams to trade him
Iowa woman purchases 1,000th Cubs-related knick-knack
Urinals installed in Wrigleyville alleys
New Cub Daryle Ward tests positive for Crisco
Bleacher Bums insist on being called more politically correct ‘Seatback Challenged’
National Cardinals fan hatred reaches 25-year high

NBA
Ben Gordon’s new book ‘The Gordon Rules’ flops
Ben Wallace’s free throw percentage officially deemed ‘hilarious’ by league
NBA’s kicks out Eastern Conference¬†for sucking
Bulls coach Scott Skiles gives rookie yet another stern look
Comcast analyst Stacey King booed off set by co-workers

NHL
Chicago Blackhawks break 100,000 mark in attendance for decade
Hawks owner Bill Wirtz brings really big doggy bag to local all you can eat buffet
Hockey puck wishes it were some sort of ball

NFL
Bears offensive coordinator Ron Turner interviews for head coaching job with local high school team

heckler editorial staff