Everyone is scared of something. Heights, spiders, hard work, commitment, mutant robots, water, carnies, progress, Alan Thicke-there is something that cuts to everyone’s very core. Apparently the Bulls’ biggest fear is the unnatural phenomenon that is Adam Morrison’s mustache.

At least that’s what coach Scott Skiles claimed after last night’s 100-85 loss to the Charlotte Bobcats.

“My guys were honestly scared,” Skiles said. “But can you blame them? It’s all crusty and creepy. I believe we were beaten by that ‘stache.”

In keeping with Skiles’ logic, Morrison’s mustache held the Bulls to 38 percent shooting from the field and helped Gerald Wallace and Emeka Okafor completely dominate the Bulls. Wallace put up 32 points and Okafor dominated the low post with 15 points, 21 rebounds and six blocks.

The Bulls had no highlights whatsoever worth mentioning and finished the first half of the season with a 29-25 record, with 18 of those losses coming on the road.

Skiles acknowledged the Bulls poor finish going into the All-Star break was not the direction he wanted to take the team, despite all evidence to the contrary.

“I promise the second half will be better,” Skiles said. “Please, please, please believe me! We were beaten by a mustache tonight. Honest!”

Fans might be interested to know the next time the Bulls play the Morrison Mustache is April 13. [Insert “Twilight Zone” music here.]

Shameless Plug of the Day:
Check back this weekend for The Heckler’s complete coverage of the Bulls’ first half and the 2007 NBA All-Star Game, complete with in-depth analysis and some seriously snarky commentary of what went right and what went oh-so-wrong in the first 54 games.

heckler editorial staff