• Peyton Manning will play game disguised by the fake mustache he wears in his Sprint commercial.
• Thanks to El Nino, game time weather conditions will be 30 degrees with snow flurries.
• Bears third-string QB Kyle Orton will set a new record for body shots at Wet Willie’s.
• NBC’s John Madden shows up and tries to cover the game anyway. Half of his prep notes deal with Brett Favre’s possible retirement.
• Mike Singletary’s eyes successfully transplanted into Brian Urlacher’s head. Urlacher finishes game with 104 tackles.
• Both teams fall asleep in locker room when halftime show stretches to three hours.
• Bears CB Ricky Manning, Jr. unable to play after being arrested for beating up “dork” who was using laptop at beach.
• Thanks to a large Chicago contingency, Dolphin Stadium runs out of beer early in second quarter.
• CBS’ broadcast of the game is interrupted by Jim Nantz’ awkward marriage proposal to Phil Simms. Simms declines.
