The Chicago Bulls are pretty darn good.

They have the best home record in the Eastern Conference. If the playoffs started today, they’d have home court advantage in the first round. Luol Deng, Ben Wallace and Ben Gordon are legitimate All-Star candidates.

But Scott Skiles is still peeved.

“Hell, we’d be undefeated if it wasn’t for our lame-o rooks,” the Bulls coach complained.  “They single-handedly lost the [Friday’s New Jersey] game for us. We’d be undefeated if it wasn’t for those chumps.”

Tyrus Thomas and Thabo Sefolosha played just over three minutes each in Friday night’s 91-86 loss to the Nets at the Meadowlands, but according to Skiles, they should entirely shoulder the blame.

“Three minutes is plenty of time to score, I dunno, 30 points each. Those morons should be averaging triple figures every night.”

The following evening, the Bulls thrashed the Pistons 106-89, but Skiles was still visibly irked.

“We should have won that sucker by triple figures,” the coach complained. “Tyrus played two minutes and Thabo played six. The fact that those two didn’t combine for, I dunno, 48 points disgusts me. Deng and [Andres] Nocioni combined for 51 points.”

But weren’t Deng and Nocioni on the court for 38 and 27 minutes respectively?

“Yeah, but they’re lame-o’s, too. They should have combined for quadruple figures.”

Um, isn’t that mathematically impossible?

“Hell, not if you want to win by quintuple figures. Which I do. So there.”

heckler editorial staff