Hey, I don’t know what has gotten into you, but you need to relax. I don’t know if you’re trying to get fired or are just oblivious, but you’re going to lose your job if you keep up your antics.

I agreed with you that it was a good idea for the guys at the office to get into a league together, promoting teamwork and getting me closer to that intern I want to screw. But dude, you can’t go off on the boss like you have been. We all agreed to let him win, and we were actually going to give the prize pool to whoever comes in second behind him. But no, you had to gloat. I wish you could have seen the face he made when you laughed at him for drafting Fred Taylor in the sixth round. Yeah, we all thought it was hilarious, but you gotta hold it in.

Oh, and don’t bring up how Daunte Culpepper has been a total bust. The boss knows this pretty well. He doesn’t need you to remind him every time you guys run into each other in the break room.

I might have to talk to the commissioner-Doris from accounting-to lock your roster. It’s for your own good. You don’t want the same fate as Mitch after beating the boss in last year’s confidence pool.

Crap, I think I hear the boss coming. I’ll see you at lunch.

heckler editorial staff