Lions line coach Joe Cullen was arrested for a DUI after Wendy’s drive-thru personnel (they are trained by the CIA, so watch yourself within 20 feet of any Wendy’s restaurants) noticed he was naked when picking up his order.  His top 10 excuses:

10 – He was getting his body ready for the upcoming Lions’ game in Arizona. It’s so hot there and clothing is optional for coaches.

– He was just showing off his new tattoo of the Wendy’s logo on his ass.

8 – Who doesn’t get drunk, model naked for Wayne St. art students, jones for a sweet Wendy’s triple and forget to put their robe back on before hopping in the car?

7 – In his defense, he was wearing edible underwear but the ant farm he had in back seat broke. The ants escaped and ate his chewy briefs.

6 – If a man can’t drive his car around naked, the terrorists win.

5 – He had to do something to distract the media from the Lions’ impending 3-13 season.

4 – “Honestly, I just had one margarita. I just wanted a burger and the paparazzi to leave me alone.”

3 – The air conditioning in his new Ford Explorer, instead of blowing air out, sucked his clothes right off. Ford will recall 50,000 Explorers to correct the glitch. Just wait. It’ll happen.

2 – At Burger King, the drive-thru staff doesn’t call the cops when you’re naked.  Instead, they strip down and hop in the car with you.

1 – He just got a kickin’ new car stereo and cranked Metallica’s “Master of Puppets.” Damned if the sound didn’t blow his tight coaches shorts right out the window.

heckler editorial staff