After another disastrous eight-run inning at Wrigley Field, beloved Cubs radio play-by-play announcer Pat Hughes described the trash thrown onto the field by disgruntled bleacher bums with his usual panache and flair for the dramatic.

“And now the rich green outfield grass is being dotted with trash raining down from the bleachers on high, Ronnie,” said Hughes to his on-air partner Ron Santo. “It’s becoming a veritable sea of whites and yellows and browns and blues from the various cups, wrappers and discarded nacho trays.”

Hughes continued his colorful commentary.

“This is not an act I condone. Still, you can’t help but marvel at the sheer beauty of the hotdog wrappers feathering in the breeze—back and forth—as they find their way gently back to Earth,” he said. “It reminds me of a certain ticker tape parade thrown back in 1962 for an American hero who also found his way back to earth. I’m talking, of course, about our country’s first astronaut in space, John Glenn.”

The veteran broadcaster went on to describe the grounds crew members as they cleared the field.

“There’s a stoppage in play as the Wrigley Field grounds crew cleans up the debris,” said Hughes. “Donning their familiar red shirts with a Cubs logo emblazoned on the lapel, the grounds crew is wearing black slacks, navy blue hats and black shoes as they take the field holding gray trash cans and brooms with red sticks and newborn hay-yellow colored bristles.”

The Cubs lost the game 14-3.

heckler editorial staff