“Brenda, Marry Me, Tommy!”


That’s how the message read on the U.S. Cellular scoreboard last night.  Unfortunately, the intended recipient of the proposal, Brenda Vallicelli, was passed out, in her boyfriend’s lap.


“It was totally awesome,” said a friend, Patricia O’Malley.  “It was like the message was on the board and then they showed Tommy, Brenda on me on the ‘kiss cam.’ But Brenda was out.  She totally guzzled four beers right before because she was mad at Tommy for spazzing out about her saying she wanted to jump Scott Podsednik’s bones.”


“I couldn’t care less,” said boyfriend, Tommy Dolan, who seemed relieved by the scoreboard faux pas.  “When I saw her lying there on my lap with puke in her hair and drool coming out of her mouth, suddenly Patty seemed a lot hotter to me.”


While Brenda remained unconscious in the stands, Tommy and Patty were seeing leaving the park together.  Later, the two reportedly consummated their new relationship in Tommy’s El Camino to the sound of Night Ranger’s “Sister Christain.”

heckler editorial staff