A drug scandal has rocked the snowboarding world, as the results of a recent drug test taken by U.S. Olympian Seth Skylar came back negative.
United States Olympic Committee officials and Olympic Snowboard team members are expressing shock at the revelation of Skylar’s clean urine.
The test was administered by the International Olympic Committee as part of their efforts to ensure that all snowboarders follow IOC guidelines, which mandate “the use of marijuana at all times by those righteous dudes hitting the slopes on a board, man.”
“This is obviously a stain on the USOC that could not have come at a worse time as we head into the Turin Games,” said committee chairman Peter Ueberroth. “These guys know a random drug test can be given at any time, which is why we encourage them to not only be high 24/7, but to be stoned off their asses. Why take chances?”
Skylar claims to have no idea how the test could have shown him to be sober.
“I totally smoked a bowl right before that whiz quiz! Dude, I swear I was so stoned I thought that guy giving the drug test was Mr. Belvedere,” he said. “You can even ask him. I kept telling him to go dust stuff. You know, because Mr. Belvedere was like a maid or something. That show was funny as hell. Oh man, I am so messed up right now.”