Thursday, July 18, 2024

David Stern cancels Christmas ‘for basketball reasons’

In the wake of recently nixing the trade of Chris Paul from New Orleans to the Lakers, NBA Commissioner David Stern has decided to make a few more moves in order to better affect his league. In a statement issued Friday morning, Stern declared that the Christmas holiday -- coinciding with the beginning of the league schedule -- would be cancelled.

Stern admits he’s holding Chris Paul hostage in his basement

"If my demands are met, Chris Paul will not be harmed in any way," Stern told reporters during a press conference. "He is being given three square meals a day, but until I get my money and my jet, he is not going to play for anyone else other than the New Orleans Hornets."

Stern rips Will Ferrell’s intro for failing to include pyrotechnics and booming hip-hop

While many fans in attendance at Wednesday night's Hornets-Bulls game enjoyed Will Ferrell's offbeat player introductions, some of basketball's elite minds weren't the least bit amused.