Illinois

"I was still drunk four hours after I got to work on Thursday," said Hawks fan Tom Benson, referring to the day after the three-overtime Game 1 that lasted well into the wee hours of the morning. "Plus now I can check out the first period before work on Monday, then see the game-winning goal when I get home."

Cubs owner Tom Ricketts was overjoyed on Monday night upon hearing the news that his team had been selected to the 2022 Field of Dreams game to face the Cincinnati Reds. In...

Because Tony LaRussa is an old-school stickler for the unwritten rules of baseball, the White Sox manager sang his team’s praises for their poor performance in the ALDS, in which the Astros routed them 10-1 and eliminated in four games.

"Before the transplant I was always doubting myself and being kind of a wuss," said Benson. "But now that I have this thick, lustrous mustache, I can do anything! It's only been on my face two days, and I've already demanded a promotion and had sex with the hottest woman in the office."

For years, commuting Chicagoans have been greeted by the unwelcoming smile of former Bears linebacker, Brian Urlacher in a series of billboards along the Dan Ryan.

"It's really easy," said Urlacher. "You just take thousands of blades of grass from healthier areas of the field and insert them one-by-one in the bare areas."

There is only one main priority for the President of the United States right now, and that’s trying to restore order to the Bears locker room. With no end in sight to this internal...