Chicago

"We think the fans will get behind the 'everyman' aspect of this new promotion," Boyer explained. "It will encourage people in these hard times, keeping hopes and dreams alive. Just imagine, one minute you're some shlub sitting in the 500-level seats and then, wham, you're the bullpen coach: novelty hire!"

“The dude hung his jersey over my locker door,” said Scott, still fuming about the incident as a trainer bandaged his knuckles. “So I got the ol’ baboon arms going and put him in his place.”

President Obama has invited the Super Bowl XX championship Bears to the White House after their original visit was postponed in 1986 and never rescheduled. While there, ESPN has convinced them to reunite the ‘Shufflin' Crew’ to record a new opening for MNF.

ESPN’s broadcast trio of Jon Gruden, Ron Jaworski and Mike Tirico are known for their sensational rants and raves when it comes to quarterbacks, but this week will bring a new wrinkle: outlandish apparel.

Think you're a real Cubs fan? Okay, let's see you name all six of these guys from the 1994 squad that finished last in the NL Central with a strike-shortened record of 49-64.

“Do I buy my kids Christmas gifts this year or renew my tickets and get fired up to see 81 games of Jeff Baker as our new starting third baseman?” said season-ticket holder Kevin Thomas. “It’s a tough choice, but if the Cubs bring back Larry Himes as GM, it might sway my decision.”

Less than a week after Steve Smith scorched his team yet again for eight catches and 181 yards, Bears head coach Lovie Smith announced Calvin Johnson is this week’s top receiver the Bears plan to completely ignore on defense.