Friday, November 27, 2020

Illini fans demand Zook’s return after near disastrous opener

After the University of Illinois barely beat Southern Illinois in the Illini first game of the college football season, angry fans and alumni took to Green Street in Champaign. They demanded the firing of head coach Tim Beckman and the rehiring of Ron Zook, who was let go by the university in 2011.

Illinois basketball coach unable to afford proper clothing for son

"Yes, I make a lot of money but it's still tough to make ends meet in this terrible economy," said Groce. "Up until just a few weeks ago we were sending Conner and Camden to school in burlap sacks and homemade cardboard shoes."

Illini basketball coach admits he only looked at half of schedule before signing

"It looked like a piece of cake," said Groce, whose team faces top five Michigan on Sunday with a 2-4 record in the Big Ten. "I felt like I was back in the MAC, fooling people by shooting a bunch of shots and playing no defense."

Big Ten Football changes divison names to Lackluster and Lousy to better reflect level...

In response to a very boring year and Northwestern being relevant for the Rose Bowl, Big Ten Football has announced a name change for their Leaders and Legends Divisions: the Lousy and Lackluster Divisions.

Weber first coach in NCAA history to get fired and land a better job

"Look, I'm as shocked as any of you are," Weber said to a group of reporters. "I don't have any business coaching here, but I'm going to get this program down to mid-major level within a couple of years. At least that's my goal."

Illini release helpful pronunciation guide for fans as they introduce new coach

The release said: "Coach Groce's name is pronounced 'gross,' as in the feeling fans had watching our department attempt to fill this position over the past month."

Illinois hires Groce after being rejected by local YMCA coach

"We've just started teaching the girls about rebounding," said Farlucci. "Plus Shaka Smart got $3 million. What am I, chopped liver?"