Elated that they struck an 11th-hour deal to broadcast their new Marquee Sports Network on the region’s largest cable provider, the Cubs this morning announced a ticker-tape parade will be held in Chicago Saturday.

“Woooo hooooooooo!” said President of Business Operations Crane Kenney. “We did it!”

Kenney added that the parade will conclude in Grant Park and that the Trump administration has agreed to send federal troops to secure the area.

“At least that’s why I assume they’ll be there,” said Kenney. “I mean, what else could be going on?”