At first it was worth it. But now, four years after he told a group of friends all the things he would sacrifice for the Cubs to win the World Series, an Arlington Heights man announced today that he could no longer take the guilt anymore and needed to come clean. THIS is all his fault.
“Hillary losing the election, a global pandemic, not watching any sports for six months …” said Tom Johnson, “When my friends I went around about what we would give up, and I went all out.”
His friends said it started out small. “Jim was willing to give up pizza. Joe said donuts. Lenny said he’d give up a year’s salary.” Tom’s best friend, Jerry Lemont, told the AP. “Then Tom started spewing all these outlandish things. We all laughed because nobody thought Hillary would lose the election. But everything … everything he said he’d be OK with for the Cubs to win have come true.”
“I’m sorry. I’ve been a Cubs fan since Ernie Banks was a rookie in ’54. I really wanted this.” Tom continued. “But I just want to make it clear; the murder hornets aren’t me. That one was all Jerry.”