NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, eager to find a way to play the 2020 season despite a global pandemic trapping most Americans in their homes, has announced that if social distancing measures continue to be enforced through Week 1 of the NFL season, games will be played in stadiums packed to the brim with Microsoft Surface Pro tablets. 

“After hearing about our $400 million partnership with Microsoft, we heard a lot of feedback from our fans that they never really saw Microsoft Surface Pro tablets at all during our broadcasts,” said Goodell. “We have this great partnership, but fans aren’t really aware of it.”

Goodell sees the COVID-19 crisis as an opportunity to kill two birds with one, barely functioning tablet.

“It dawned on me during the virtual draft while I was rebooting my own Microsoft Surface Pro tablet, which had frozen like it usually does when I, or anyone else, tries to use it,” continued Goodell. “It dawned on me that we could use this partnership with Microsoft to bring fans back inside the stadium, even from the comfort of their own homes.”

The NFL plans to install Microsoft Surface Pro tablets in every seat and sell fans on the opportunity to Skype into games from home.  

Players and coaches, who have never expressed public doubt about the ability of the Microsoft Surface Pro tablets to function properly, lest they be fined by the league, expressed excitement about the possibility of playing games in front of the dull roar of virtual fans inside the stadium.   

“My biggest fear wasn’t that they would cancel the season,” said Rob Gronkowski, one of the few NFL Players with a reputation for not actually enjoying playing football games that much. “My biggest fear was that we would have to play in a quiet, empty stadium. This could solve that.” 

While plans to install two million Microsoft Surface Pro tablets in the NFL’s 32 stadiums are underway, not everyone is happy with the news that the season will continue as planned. Several teams, including the Green Bay Packers, the New England Patriots, and the Las Vegas Raiders all expressed discontent after spending the entire offseason operating under the assumption that there definitely would not be a season this year.