While it had long been rumored, MLB confirmed this week the new rule for 2020 that requires all pitchers – both starters and relievers – are now required to face at least three batters (or pitch until the inning is over) before they come out of a game. 

Upon hearing the new rule, eight Cubs relievers immediately retired, realizing they didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell to compete this upcoming season. Those turning in their spikes included: Tyler Chatwood, Jharel Cotton, Jeremy Jeffress, Dillon Maples, Brandon Morrow, James Norwood, Duane Underwood and Dan Winkler.

“If they instituted the three-pitch minimum rule I think I would still have a chance,” said Morrow. “But three batters, are you kidding me? I haven’t been able to pitch to three consecutive batters in five years.”  

It was also learned that former Cubs reliever Pedro Strop, now with the Reds, has reportedly gone MIA since the announced pitching rule change. 

Jeremy Barewin