On a cool, dark morning in Clemson, S.C., students lined the banks of the Seneca River for their chance to be baptized by the holiest man in the state, Clemson head coach, Dabo Swinney.

“Its just nice to finally have a coach who is so open with his faith, and willing to force it on young, impressionable people,” said communications major Daniel Bow as he waited to be bear hugged by the linebacking corps and submerged in the murky waters. 

Not wanting to exclude any student for their religious beliefs, Swinney arranged for all types of baptisms for any denomination of Christianity. “Religious diversity is of the utmost importance,” said Swinney, “That’s why we are happy to practice all methods of baptism including immersion, affusion (pouring) and aspersion (sprinkling).”

With wait times for baptisms averaging around four hours, the Clemson coaching staff was seen keeping the energy up by leading hymns and entertaining the student “congregation” with feats of magic and a snake handling demonstration.

When asked if it was appropriate to baptize members of a public university, Swinney repeated the phrase, “Glory be to God,” over and over again until he effortlessly began speaking in tongues.

Image by Rene D.

Steve Smith Jr. Jr.